I remember what it was like. I was fifteen the first time he made me his own. He left me three months after that, that’s how I knew he didn’t ever really love me.
I started spending Friday nights drinking cheap liquor with another boy. We’d sit in the backseat of his red Volvo and we’d talk about what hurt and why it hurt the way it did. We’d smoke cigarettes as we sat at the corner of the street where he grew up and he’d tell me everything he was thinking, sometimes it scared me to know that his hands shook from what he felt and not from the packs of cigarettes he went through. I was the first girl he ever really loved and I knew it. He’d throw rocks at my window and ask me to come downstairs on the nights when he couldn’t sleep and I would tell him about the Galaxy, I was the first one to say it, I told him I loved him. He held my hand for the first time that night and that was it. I let him make me his own. I let him have my 2 a.m thoughts and I let him have my voice past midnight when he didn’t feel like talking. I wrote him love letters and he was the first boy to meet my mother. I was so lucky to have found him, I was so lucky to have felt a love like that because I know, I know that although he’s gone, there is no one who is ever going to make me feel the way he did. He taught me how to belong to someone in the most innocent way and God, I will never be able to thank him enough for that.
I realize, that overall, you weren’t worth it. There were moments with you that made me really, really happy; but the majority of the time you shut me out. That’s why I swear I’ll try and get over you. We might have had something really great, but I guess we’ll never know. I’ll never forget the good times I had with you, but I’ll also never forget how you hurt me more than anyone I have ever known.

Anonymous asked:

How do you explain how your person who loved you so much that he couldnt be anymore sure about you, just leaves you and no longer feels the same the next day? Hes my or was my bestfriend but i keep pushing him away because im still so hurt by how everything ended without an explanation. And i know somethings cant be explained but how do you move on without closure

violentwavesofemotion answered:

Closure? If closure is just another excuse for you to hold on to something that’s currently not mutual then it’s not closure and you don’t even want it. Closure will be occuring within you, you don’t need the other person’s side for that. If they’re willing to open up and explain the reasons why they’re opting to end things with you then they should go ahead and do it. But, again, it’s up to them, there’s no “rule” that forces people to explain what they might feel that doesn’t need to be explained. It doesn’t make them unappreciative and it doesn’t mean that they don’t care for you or that they’re unable to forgive you because “you pushed them away”. Actions do have a secret language of their own; find the closure you’re searching for inside your own mind; do it for you, do it for yourself. Take your time You won’t move on unless you find yourself not fully immersed in yourself anymore. There’s a way to deal with things you don’t understand, not exact way or simple way at any rate but there is a way. Give yourself the oportunity to calm down and begin emptying your head of the reasons why.